The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, celebration, and making memories with the people we love. But can I be honest with y’all? Life has been lifing, and I’ve been struggling.
I’m trying to make the best of this season, but behind the positive attitude is a mama trying to figure out how everything is going to get paid.
When It Feels Like Everything Is Going Wrong
Since losing my car and changing jobs, it feels like one thing after another has gone wrong. Every time I try to catch my breath, there’s another bill, another expense, or another problem that needs my attention.
I’m behind on rent, with a court date coming in December. My electric bill is late, too. And without a car, getting to work has become an expense all by itself. Between Lyfts and Ubers for me and my oldest daughter, so much money goes toward simply getting us where we need to be.
That’s one of the hardest parts: we’re working, we’re trying, and we’re showing up—but it still feels like we can’t catch up.
This month is also my daughter’s birthday. Of course, I want to celebrate her and make her feel special. But in the back of my mind, I keep asking, Where is all this money going to come from?
I wish I had a neat answer. Right now, I don’t.
Grateful Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Hard
Through all of this, I keep reminding myself that the Lord has me. He always has.
That doesn’t mean I never worry. It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or have moments when everything feels too heavy. It means that even when I don’t know how things will work out, I’m trying to hold on to my faith.
I’m still here. I’m still grinding. I’m still trying to make each day a good day for myself and my kids.
We still have a place to lay our heads, and I’m thankful for that. With everything weighing on me, I don’t take that blessing lightly.
But I’m also learning to give myself permission to say, “This is hard.”
Somebody else may be going through something worse, but that doesn’t make my struggle—or yours—any less real. We don’t have to compare pain to deserve a little compassion. We can appreciate what we have and still be honest about what we’re going through.
The Holidays Aren’t Easy for Everybody
I wanted to share this because I know I’m not the only person heading into the holidays with a lot on my mind.
Maybe you’re wondering how you’ll pay your bills, let alone buy gifts. Maybe you’re missing someone you love, and the thought of celebrating without them hurts. Maybe you’re dealing with something internally that you haven’t found the words to explain.
Sometimes, there’s a lot going on behind “I’m okay.”
So I’m not going to tell you to put on a smile and pretend everything is perfect. I’m not going to pretend that’s what I’m doing, either.
I’m taking things one day at a time. I’m doing what I can, admitting when I’m overwhelmed, and holding on to the good that’s still here.
Holding On to Faith
I don’t have everything figured out. The bills are still there, the court date is still coming, and I’m still working out how to get where I need to go.
But I haven’t given up.
My prayer this holiday season is for a little peace in the middle of all the uncertainty—for me, for my children, and for anybody else who is trying to keep going while carrying more than people realize.
Whatever you’re facing, I hope you remember that struggling doesn’t make you a failure. Having a hard day doesn’t mean you’ve lost your faith. And needing support doesn’t mean you aren’t strong.
I still believe God has me, and I believe He has you, too. That’s what I’m holding on to while I keep showing up and doing my part.
Life be lifing, y’all. This holiday season may not look the way I hoped, but I’m still going to look for moments of joy with my kids, celebrate my daughter, and be thankful for the love we have—even while I’m figuring the rest out. ❤️
—Your favorite blogger
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